Health

Is it possible to die of a broken heart?

--asks Anonymous from Glendale, CA.

August 4, 2006
In Virgil's Aeneid, Dido dies of a broken heart. Or maybe it was the sword she threw herself upon. [TOD DER DIDO, HEINRICH FRIEDRICH FÜGEL, 1792]
In Virgil's Aeneid, Dido dies of a broken heart. Or maybe it was the sword she threw herself upon. [TOD DER DIDO, HEINRICH FRIEDRICH FÜGEL, 1792]

It’s the stuff of legends, poems, and country music lyrics. Ever since the ancient Egyptians attributed personality and emotion to the throbbing organ within the breast, the idea of dying of a broken heart has permeated our cultural consciousness. Of course, we’ve known since the Enlightenment that the heart doesn’t actually house the soul, and in the last century, the dawn of modern medical science promised to finally dispel those silly death-by-sorrow superstitions once and for all. But when researchers finally applied the scientific method to the study of heartbreak, they got some surprising results.

In 1969, a landmark study appeared in the British Medical Journal. Researchers followed 4,500 widows for 9 years after their husbands died, and found that they had a 40 percent greater chance of dying in the six months following their husband’s death. After that, the risk gradually returned to normal. And what did most of these grieving widows die of? A heart attack, of course.

Every subsequent study of a person’s risk of dying following a loved one’s death has found a similarly marked increase in their risk for a heart attack. But recent studies have shown that a much stronger effect can be seen in the risk of dying from an accident, violence, or alcohol-related problems. For this reason, most doctors suspect that it’s a change in behavior caused by grief that leads to death after heartbreak—a psychological rather than physiological phenomenon. And interestingly, this increased risk of death following the loss of a loved one is much greater for men than for the supposedly more emotional sex.

But women have their own unique worry in the face of heartbreak, according to studies published this February. Doctors at Johns Hopkins University were intrigued by patients who showed up at the emergency room following an emotional shock, like the death of a loved one or a car accident. These patients, mostly women, had classic heart attack symptoms, like chest pain and shortness of breath. But their electrocardiograms looked very different from regular heart attack EKGs, and subsequent tests showed that the heart tissue was not damaged at all. A classic heart attack (myocardial infarction) occurs when an area of the heart muscle dies. So the doctors realized that this new, rare heart condition, which they dubbed “acute stress cardiomyopathy,” must be an entirely different phenomenon.

The researchers at Johns Hopkins examined 19 patients who presented symptoms of Broken Heart Syndrome, as acute stress cardiomyopathy came to be called, between 1999-2003. Most were women, and most were in their 60s and 70s (but one was 27). None had a history of heart problems or chronic stress, and all had just received unexpected bad news or experienced a sudden surprise (including one surprise birthday party). These patients had many times the normal amount of stress hormones in their blood, and the researchers determined that these hormones, including adrenaline, were impairing the heart’s ability to pump. Luckily, all the patients recovered with little more than bed rest and fluids, and none suffered long-term damage. But if a person with a previous heart condition experiences Broken Heart Syndrome, they may not be so lucky.

So, it appears that it is possible to die of a broken heart. Of course, stress hormones and psychologically-induced risky behavior are much less romantic than the notion of sorrow alone taking a person’s life. But consider all those ancient legends and myths (see image above) that feature death by heartbreak—does knowing that they could be explained physiologically make them any less beautiful? That, my anonymous friend, is a question scienceline cannot answer.

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About the Author

Once a helioseismology researcher, once a professional singer, once a neuroscience lab tech, and always a cheesehead.

Discussion

57 Comments

Ma says:

…do NOT throw me a surprise birthday party….

Barbera says:

i am having my room done as a surprise. . .it is gonna be fun. and i think that this is awesome and i am glad they [[the scientists]] looked and expiremented with the symptoms and what-not. GREAT JOB PEOPLE!!

Joseph P. says:

I think I am living a slow death by heartbreak. Antidepressants are not working anymore after 13 years of working (still trying different meds from my shrink. A bunch of bad stuff has hit me over the last 3 years and it seems to get worse with each day. Wake up crying, battling it over my entire waking hours. Sleep is my only relief.
Any help out there?

jetrin says:

hey joseph,
i understand ur situation my fren.if u want to contact me jetrin2000@yahoo.com is my mail id.i dnt knw whthr i will be able to help u,but i can certainly show u the right directions

Nell says:

Am I gunna die cause my heart is broken

alyssa says:

i am dying of a broken heart everyday. i wish it would hurry up and kill me. i can’t take the hurt everyday anymore. i can’t take the loss anymore. i want to end my life so that i can sleep forever adn never have to hurt anymore. everyday is a struggle. sometimes it’s hard to breathe it’s always hard to smile. every ngith that i go to sleep i hope i never wake up again. i need help but there is no help. anti depressants don’t take the hurt away or give me my lover back. life is nothing and all those that depend on me (my kids and family) woul dbe better off without me i am so misreable all the time.

Joseph R says:

I died of a broken heart a long time ago. If anyone would like to know about my experience, commiserate, or maybe get a nickel’s worth of free advice, you can e-mail me at joeblue442@yahoo.com

Tyler A says:

Right now my heart is beating so hard and fast that I understand that if I go through many more years of my soul being torn apart I WILL die of a heart attack. I want to find help soon. I own a .45 auto and all I can think about is putting it in my mouth or pressing the barrel against my temple. All of this is coming from what everyone else in the world sees as a 22 year old guy that’s silly as shit and just likes to write music and is in love.

jen says:

i know what you mean, tyler, but i’m too scared to touch a gun, as much as i hurt more than anyone can tell. i’m so tired of being tired and hurting. i take unisom and nyquil but wake up frequently. it’s such torture. i hope you can find help because your words sound so ugly and painful, and while i’m so wrapped up in my selfishness, knowing someone else is going through something as similar and awful makes me feel some slight comfort. i really hope we can all stop hurting so much soon. i want the great sleep too but just wish it would happen randomly with an accident since i’m too much of a wimp for more serious things. i’m usually more rationally minded, but not lately. not anymore.

Gramm says:

I know how you all feel,believe me,I do.I had to separate from my soulmate and we did not want to…circumstances beyound our control.I am all cried out and now I am going into severe depression.At least when I am like this,I think I will be able to sleep.I wouldn’t use a gun…if you miss,you will be a veg the rest of your life and I have seen people that have missed(they didn’t plan to miss).A broken heart is the worse pain imagineable that I have ever gone thru.I think I made it past suicide ,but now have the privilege of going thru life misable…I guess we will all have to suffer together till we reach the other Side….

Mike S says:

I’m in the same situation as Gramm. I woke up last friday and my beautiful soulmate had packed and left. Just a note on the table saying that we’re done. No explanation, just gone. I feel like i’m going to implode I hurt so bad. And this incessant crying is killing me. When do I get to sleep for more than 15 minutes again?

hollie says:

i do believe you can die of a brokenheart…i am doing just that..have been on meds for 1 year therapy 3 hours a week and getting no where..this depression sucks..i only go out once a week and that is for therapy..spent 30 days in hosp..for depression..there is no happiness anymore in my life..my life is crying and hurt all the time..so yes i do think you can ….

abandoned says:

How long does it take cause I am beyond more than ready! This is no way to live and I just cant do it anymore, nor do I have it in me. We’re told in the bible we’ll never be given any trial we cannot overcome… This is one I can’t overcome. I believe I’m going to feel this way forever. So, do me in already please! Please! It hurts too much. There is no joy in life anymore. What’s the point of living!?

Dale says:

I understand what ur all going through. I too feel like I am not going to make it through. I had my soul mate and after a series of stupid arguements, I inexplicably left her. Thinking is would give her a jolt and realize how bad the arguements were. When i asked her to come back she refused. I feel like I’m dying inside. Everyday is a battle and right now I dont see a way over this hurdle. They say it gets easier but i cant see it. I too have considered suicide, i hope the broken heart gets me sooner.

any adice would be appreciated
dalexxxxx@hotmail.com

Joseph D. says:

All of you are going through terrible things, and trust me I feel the same way. I have been waiting for death for five years. Everytime something horrible happens I close my eyes, say it can’t get any worse and try to go on just to suffer another trajedy and feel like I’m dying physically, and note that on the inside I’m already dead.
However we ALL have something that can help us overcome these terrible things: each other… We all know how it is to suffer. we all know how it feels, and we all want a shoulder to cry on and a friend to talk to so we can get through this. in times like this it is true, it is impossible to get through it alone. That’s why you can’t do it alone, you need some one else…
My e-mail is Heresthe33cat@yahoo.com

nobody says:

Reading these comments surprise me. They are all how I feel. I have felt dead for so long, I am a zombie. I hardly even cry. But reading these brought back so many tears, seeing that others feel the misery I feel. I never thought someone could feel the same despair, as naive as that is. It is so unfair, and I hope you can find joy in life again. I am surprised at how the words you speak are the same that I have been saying to the people around me. I have been told to trust my struggle. So far, my trust has been in vain. I am sending as much love as I can muster to those of you who also need help.

Nate Robinson says:

it takes true strength and courage to live… each day
life is gift… there is opportunity to change
there is always hope… remember that

our ancestors would have wanted us to be brave just as they were in their time.

Seto Kaiba says:

I know what you all are going through.My sweet heart,puppy[wife] died 4 years ago & I still miss her a lot.She was my best friend & helped me through a lot.I wish I had been a better man.You people know Rob Thomas’s new song HER DIAMONDS I felt & continue like that.So helpless watching her suffering with cancer .I told he before she died I want to take her place.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU PUPPY!

lulu says:

i know how gramm feels…my boyfriend’s mother is trying to split us up and he is trying to believe her..it hurts soo bad knowing that if he leaves, my heart will die….he is apart of me!!i gave him my heart

Kathleen says:

I understand exactly the symptoms described in this article. After a series of devastating losses, the last one resulted in the physical symptoms described, not being able to breathe and bad chest pain. Unfortunately, my last visit to the doctor showed by heart was fine.

lost says:

i know how each and every one of you feels. my love broke up with me 3 years ago and everyday has been painful.last year i developed cancer and have been given a year or so to live.i believe that my cancer was brought on by my grief.

Richard Marzolf says:

I recently lost my “once in a lifetime” love; a love that I know for certain will never come again. The pain and emptiness that I feel is beyond words and haunts me each and every day, for I loved/love this person with my very soul.
The most important thing that I want to say here is that if you have someone who loves you; who cares about you; you have the most precious thing that life can give.In the end, everything else will eventually fail you; everything! Love is the only thing that endures; but it must be appreciated; it must be nutured. I lost the person I loved through my own selfish behavior and neglect, now I must spend a lifetime filled with loneliness and regret.If you are reading this and have someone who loves you, you are rich beyond all words; never take it for granted;tell that person that you love them; more importantly; show them that love in unselfish ways that says they are valued; that they matter.Nothing you will do in your life will ever be more important. May you have the wisdom and understanding as to never have your name added to this sad list of heartache.

Jim says:

You people who are young and just went through a break up especiely for something stupid you did and you think she or he was your soul mate there not or they would have come back.They don’t feel that way about you.
S. here is some advice from someone who has been there.The best way to cure a broken heart is FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO REALLY IS YOUR SOUL MATE AND WHO REALLY LOVES YOU AND WHO YOU LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melanie says:

I lost my son, I found him stiff, I feel like my actual heart is hurting and that it may quit at any moment, there is no relief, it can’t hurt any more than it does. I miss my son, I will never ever be over him. I love my husband of 32 years more than anything, but either of us would have gladly taken his place and it wouldn’t have been as hard on the spouse as losing ones “child”.

wendy says:

I lost my husband Oct. 27th. at the age of 44 to the same cancer I lost my mother too. I asked him that night if he was leaving me and he said NO over and over. then he got out of bed and fell to the floor. I was unable to life him up due to problems after a semi accident and recent major surgery I had. I covered him with a blanket put some pillows under his head and said I will see you in a few hours. when i woke up he was gone. i can’t help but blame myself only if I could have got him off the floor would we of had a few more weeks together.
I’v lost half my hair and very thin now. it hurts to breathe. I will not talk to anyone and I just want to be alone. will this pain ever pass. I don’t think so. I’v lost too much. I don’t even want to wake up in the morning just to hurt some more.

tanyetta says:

Wendy, your story is so sad. I hope that you are able to find some peace or comfort during this very difficult time.

Helllo all.. my story begins in a dark place lost my mom at 15 then when i turned 19 i spent 6 weeks in a hopital on life support…got out survived that then had to have lung surgery..found a girl who went to school with me hit it off and spent three blissfull years dedication myself…of coarse there were minor setbacks and arguments like any couple…but i think i really did it this time…shes gone for good and now this bottle of pills are looking so inviting i just dont know who to turn to anymore…my family just makes a spectacle outta the whole thing with wise words like ” if you love it let it go and if it comes back it was meant to be…” type of ISHT and its just not helping…its been 3 days and i can still smell her skin on her side of the bed….god please tell me why she did this to me?….how could she be so cold?? how could she be this heartless??? i know i messed up…but you cant tell someone you forgive them and that you will come back and then once your gone tell them that you f-ing Hate them…and that you dont want to speak to them ever again…the air i breathe is cold and bitter…the colors all seem so dull…she was my everything my one reason to keep living now….somebody please help me end this nightmare..

Vic=Sorrow says:

So to add on to december 26th she also revealed on the 29th that she had been sleeping with 5 other guys…… 1 of which was a married man she slept with at the ripe old age of 16!!! ( EROHW ) and two of them i met …one had a party at his house AND I THEY HAD SLEPT TOGETHER PRIOR TO THAT EVENT!!! HOW MESSEED UP IS THAT!?!??! I DONT GET IT! The other one is really fat and ugly….i am not a bad looking guy and i am definately not lacking in that department….is it just that she is starving for attention and the only way she knows how to get it is thru intercourse…my god she is far too beautiful to be this way…i feel now, ever so tormented…trapped inside my own Reality which has quickly turned to a nightmare….somebody please wake me up…I must be dreaming…..oh sweet pills……hold me closer i feeel i’m slippin A – w – A – Y *

Michelle says:

I know of someone who died of a broken heart! He died for you! He died for your sins on the cross! When you are hurting, He is hurting with you! He knows what it’s like to be screamed at by those (you)He loves! They screamed vehemently “crucify Him!” It tore His heart out! But, He died and suffered tremendously for your sins, carried them to Hell and then rose from the dead . . . for you! Believe this and when you die, without committing suicide (because you have no authority–Only God has that), when you die, you shall be with Him forever! It’s easier, when you have Him by your side. I’m not saying all your problems will go away! I’m saying, you will feel that unconditional Love that we all so desire and look for in the wrong places! He will encompass you with His Love! He’s a gentleman, and He won’t force Himself upon you! You have to cry out to Him. My sister cried out after much abuse, not really knowing that He was “real” when she was in her car and He showed up! He filled her car with so much Love that she had to scream S T O P!!!!!!!!!!!!!

curiouspirit says:

“I recently lost my “once in a lifetime” love; a love that I know for certain will never come again. The pain and emptiness that I feel is beyond words and haunts me each and every day, for I loved/love this person with my very soul.
The most important thing that I want to say here is that if you have someone who loves you; who cares about you; you have the most precious thing that life can give.In the end, everything else will eventually fail you; everything! Love is the only thing that endures; but it must be appreciated; it must be nutured. I lost the person I loved through my own selfish behavior and neglect, now I must spend a lifetime filled with loneliness and regret.If you are reading this and have someone who loves you, you are rich beyond all words; never take it for granted;tell that person that you love them; more importantly; show them that love in unselfish ways that says they are valued; that they matter.Nothing you will do in your life will ever be more important. May you have the wisdom and understanding as to never have your name added to this sad list of heartache.”

Listen to this man.

absinthe says:

Maybe not entirely, but parts of me died when I lost him.
Or at least they’ve gone terribly numb. Oh so numb.
This loss has definitely been physiological. It is with me daily.

I never new that you can die from a broken heart. I have had so much happen to me over the the last 12 months. My best school mate died throu breast cancer in the year of 2009. i got married on the 12th /feb/10. were it only lasted 3 weeks my husband was never there for for me. He put me throu hell a lolng we hes mates nad ex wife and hes ex inlaws. An then my exhusband peter who i divorces in 2006. even after that we was still friends and talking to each other and still had love for each other to, i got a txts from my daughter telling me. Mum sorry to tell you me dads died at 2.15am. on the thursday 18th /nov/10 throu cancer he passed away in her arms. i was totaly in shock. at the time i was ai my fathers when i got the txts from her. i broke down and cryed. my father said to me caroline whats wrong. i said dad you dont want to no. he sail ya crying for something, what it it. I didnt want to tell him as my dad wasnt well hes self. I told me dad that peter had just died.my dad went silent. on the friday i get a call from my fathers carer telling me that he was on the floar when she let herself in. and told me he didnt look well at all. I told her that i will ring my brother to come round to you. I told her to get amberlance, Nexts thing i get a call from my brother saying caroline i thing ya better get over here now. i said whats wrong tell me will you, He said they found dad dead on the floar. i hit the roof and screemed. whats happening i shouted out. i was alone at the time. no one to comfort me. i had to drive all the way from wakefield to rochdale to sort everything out. My father died the following day after my exhusband peter just 12 hours before i told my dad peter had past away. On the friday 19th/nov/10 he deid throu a heart attack. Mrs Caroline Ormond Wrote on the 21/jan/11 at9.08am

neal.. says:

Will curious soul and I are one in the same..6 years of my life with her. I put her throug a lot and she had enough. My heartach is pretty intense.

no one says:

I grew up in a family that shunned me, never had any friends all my life, constantly rejected by opposite sex…just an entire lifetime of nothing but heartache…death by a broken heart would be merciful…but that won’t happen to me because the only reason I was made was to be punished for merely existing.

Miyah says:

At a young age I am also suffering from a broken heart. The man whom I thought was my life long love left me 7 months ago. About 2 months ago I felt like I could not move on, nor go back. I have now realized that the 2 most important things you should have and focus on during this stage are your passions, and the people closest to you. These 2 things are what help me get through anything in my life.
As a young and hopeful musician I found this article, and more importantly these comments, very inspiring. Thanks to all of you I have just finished writing a song that I had been working on for several weeks.
Please remember to be thankful for all that you have. The heartache will end if you truly find yourself and focus on what you love. Do the things that you love doing instead of grieving, and when the right person comes along you will know.
It is never too late, friends. Thanks again. ♥

Broken says:

I also feel like I can barely live anymore. Everyone tells me to just get over her and I really want to. 7 years together I really thought she was the one. It’s been a year and hearing she is seeing someone is killing like nothing I have ever been through. No one understands they just say get over her. I don’t know if I can, everyday is a struggle to just act like a functioning human. I work overnights alone and they are the worst because it’s just me and my thoughts about her with someone else. Sometimes I wish i would just die and end this punishment I’m living through.

steph says:

I have read all the stories here and feel the same as some of you. I was married 15 years and several weeks ago I found out my husband was having an affair. I thought we were happy and I love him with my whole heart. Today things are so so sad all I have is a constant pain in my heart and I am so sad. I never knew love could hurt so much. I have not talked to him much but he is moving on like nothing happened. I feel like my world is shattered and that my heart may never heal. I cannot eat and I hardly get any sleep. I feel immediate pain the second I open my eyes. I just hope that this pain will soon subside, but right now I am dealing with it the best I can. He says he loves me and feels horrible about what he did to me but he can no longer be with me because he says things will never be the same. I am confused about what to do, as I do not know for sure what I want. All I know is I still love him and miss our life together. But I am afraid if we are together things with the affair will resurface. Building / working on a life together like a new start is something that I would want but I am afraid that it would be to difficult. I want to move on with out him but it will be hard, and I also want to move on with him but that will be to hard as well. All I have now is to find my inner strength and my prayers for a better stronger safer future.

jaz says:

I know how you feel steph. It really gets to be so painful when you discover things about the person you trusted and loved with everything you have cheated on you and they act as if nothing bothers them. =( I am battling this situation right now myself and I have no one to talk to… Everyday I am crying and everyday I don’t know where to go and i could not even control my tears even when i walk the streets. I cry on churches, at night walking highways and I do not even know how i would recover from this… I have always turned to prayers and there are good days, fooling myself i am okay and recovering fast… But it would get to you somehow and you would be feeling betrayed all over again.
God help me, I feel as though he could only do so by taking me away from this world…

Gina vowell says:

I suffered from a broken heart for 9 yrs it literaly paralizedme I lost my sanity.on a scale of 1_10 it was a 25 stop killing your self and go to churchl

sale says:

i have a broken heart.
it all started with a chance or maybe destiny.
anyway the story goes so deep that you are feeling something different.
you find yourself a soulmate. and you have believes that this is it.
i did everything, but it didn’t work.
my heart is broken because i left. i couldn’t fight any more
but that is not the end. more tragedy came my way
at the end i did get an attack but it wans’t heart attack it was panic attack i thought i was dying.
it was just to much stress for me to overcome.
i feel like empty shell. no purpose anymore.
i will give my self a chance to live to fight for my self.
but if time can’t cure me then i will die slowly because my drive is gone.
the drive which i did have and now it’s gone.
i go on medc now but we will see. i need a miracle. something biiig

Lisa says:

I have read these and I feel like I fit the description of heartache. I am pretty sure I have met my soul mate and here’s the story. All my life I’ve never been with hardly anybody. I started dating in high school and I ended up dating a cheater. I was eventually able to get over him. It took a long time but I did. I don’t cry over him because I know he’s a big jerk. I then just had a fling with someone back in 2009 and I knew that wasn’t going to last but that didn’t matter to me. After being alone for a long time (I’m 26, yes I’m young but I’m getting to the point of where it says he’s my soul mate), my friend tried to hook me up with her ex. She knew I wanted to be with someone but I was too afraid of love at that time after being hurt. We did talk alot and sparks flew but like I said, I was afraid and had forgotten about it. But just recently we had found each other again and started talking again. We have been going out for 2 months (yes I know it’s a short time) but he had just broken up with me today. I know I did nothing wrong and he says it’s not me he just doesn’t have time for a relationship with me. I know that we’ll be back together because he says he still loves me and wants to be with me but due to the present circumstances we have to wait. But the thing is I am not sure why but my heart, it’s breaking. I feel like someone has their hands on it and it’s wringing it out very slowly and painfully, or that it’s being stepped on. We’ve had a few arguments about this case but I tried to tell him I understand what he’s going through I just can’t explain the hurt. I try to make it go away. I try to tell myself that this is only temporary and it’s only going to last a short amount of time but the pain in my chest will not go away. It’s very close to my heart so that’s why I know he’s my soul mate. I’ve never felt like this before after a break up. I honestly feel it’s going to be difficult for me to function. I had to call off work because I couldn’t stop crying. Haven’t ate anything at all and no desire to. I’ve just been lying in bed trying to get rid of the pain without killing myself. I did over dose but I failed at that. I’m suffering the affects of the OD. I just want to curl up in a ball and isolate my self from everyone until he comes back to me. I need him, I feel like I won’t be myself anymore until he does. I wish there was a way that we can break off these curses and reunite with our lovers again. I hate being away from him so much. :(

Not lost says:

Everybody listen.Fight for your souls.My heart is ripped to shreds too.My husband of 12 years decided that he wanted to have sex with lots of girls so I left. That was a year ago.I put up with years of abuse thinking he would change because I could see a beauty inside him that he has no interest in nurturing.I work every day to grow strong even when the tears are flowing even when I am not crying( I know it sounds wierd).I just wake up sometimes and my cheeks are wet from tears in my sleep.It hurts so much it rips my soul to shreds but it gets a little better now and again.I think you haveto train your brain to stop thinking of these fu#kers.It is working but really slowly.I have good posative days now but bad days too when I can’t get out of bed or even think. I’m sure the universe is telling me that there are more good days if I want them but like a drug addiction you haveto fight your ass off to win.I fought a drug addiction and sugars ,let me tell you,it is the same kind of pain.I will win this.You guys can win this.Your stories are as heart wrenching as my own and for once I cried for someone else.All of you. If I could help some of you ,by giving you sympathy and love right now then that is the greatest blessing in the world for me.Like I am doing and winning,though slowly,learn to love yourself and a new love will appear when you are ready.The universe is built of love not cruelty.These people don’t deserve us,let them go.It is a process but truly,love yourself. It sounds dumb but I swear on my soul,fight and you will win and all the love in the world to you

Heather says:

I have just lost my husband and I just want to die and be with him. I’ve stopped eat….hope I die soon.

Heather says:

Oops stopped eating above post….i hope I die soon.

Cindy says:

One day he’s nice, he cries, he takes care of me, the next hes vicious and mean. He gets me excited and I just had a heart attack and can’t deal with the pain. I’m suffocating and I just dont understand how he can breath and tell me he loves me yet treat me like a door stop or worse. I’m alone. I have no support. I’d have to give up everything and that means my dearest friend who I love more than li9fe, and even he is isck of my illness. Yet there they are sick all the time, hurting all the time. They have worse if not more problematic shit than I do. I’m stuck afraid and I know theres an answer but what. He has promised to go to a anger mgnt of sorts yet he has made no effort. narcissisict I call it. So here I sit. God I just wish I would die so that it was over. My kids think he’s a jerk cuz he always goes back tho the shitty guy. I don’t want to hear I have to leave him. I want him to get help. On the other side my friend does nothing either. He sits around has people over cleans the house which is is disaray since I know him. Oh well. I’m a jerk. Just me.. Bye

Heather says:

Still not dead yet…smoking myself to death…a dx of cancer would be great…how do people move on? I cant i wont…im in misery

Heather says:

And it doesnt get better…it gets worse!

Heather says:

I have visions of me dying and walking down the hill to the cemetery and he will be standing there waiting for me. id rather be dead…i will never hug him again or kiss him..our son cries. Im sorry we all feel this way

Heather says:

Will he even know me in heaven?

Heather says:

And i HATE it when people say move on…to what? Life is not good.

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