I have a friend who says he can’t cry — are there medical conditions that stop people from crying?
- asks Rose Kelly
Peter Sergo • April 16, 2007
![[CREDIT: LEARNSCIENCE.NET]](https://scienceline.org/wp-content/uploads/2007/04/cryingeye.jpg)
[CREDIT: LEARNSCIENCE.NET]
From a badly stubbed toe to teenage angst, there are many instances that make people cry. Yet for some – no matter how charged the situation – shedding tears is impossible.
Strong emotions cause our brains to release chemicals that indirectly lead to teary eyes. A flow of tears not only shoots up the level of endorphins, natural chemicals within the body, providing a sense of well-being and relieving stress, but also they release toxins — making us healthier, according to Dr. William Frey II, a neurologist at the University of Minnesota.
Since the physical act of crying is rooted in the psychological, depression – usually a disease associated with tears – can prevent them. According to a review article published this year in the journal Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, severe cases of depression flatten emotions, leaving a person without the trigger that starts the crying circuit. Max Hamilton, who created a depression scale in 1960, commented in a 1967 paper that severely depressed patients “go beyond weeping” and settle into a cry-proof state.
The battle against depression can itself snatch away the urge to let it out. In a 2002 study, Adam Opbroek discovered that many patients with sexual dysfunction associated with prescribed anti-depressants also experienced a “diminution in emotional responsiveness.” Medication intended to reduce a sense of sadness, Opbroek found, did so but at the cost of “emotional blunting,” or the same flattening of emotion felt by some depressed patients.
Aside from a numbing form of depression, the inability to cry may be caused by a rare affliction called Familial Dysautonomia (FD), or Riley-Day Syndrome. While someone with FD experiences emotions like anyone else, they’re born without the reflex necessary to produce tears: crying becomes a dry display, according to the foundation’s website.
The inability to feel physical pain is another genetic anomaly that can make a person less likely to cry. With an underdeveloped system of nerves for sensing injury, people with Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA) have a pain threshold high enough to make a bike accident feel more like a pillow fight, and so tears flow less often.
Crying is a uniquely human trait. The situations that make us cry are often the ones we remember most. It shows we are sensitive to things we encounter in our lives and, in that way, it is important for survival. Spilling tears is something we all need to stay healthy.
183 Comments
I am 48 years old, and I haven’t cried in 20 years. Even when I could, I hardly ever produced tears. The last time I felt like crying was when I watched the movie Ramona and Beezus, when the family cat died. I lost my 18-year old cat three years ago and didn’t cry then. I have an 8-year old great nephew who was abandoned by my niece, he livs with his fathers family and they really don’t want him. He is filled with pain and anger. I just hug him and I want to cry but can’t. I’m so depressed and angry. Could someone out there please help me?
The field of psychology and psychiatry is one big joke. Look at all the people here who can’t get help. I’ve been searching for more than seven years for the reason why I can’t feel emotions. One day it got stuck in a lump in my chest when I was 14 and I couldn’t cry and I’ve been numb ever since. Not even one doctor knows what I’m talking about. They just diagnosed me with random disorders, like PTSD, bipolar, add, depression, none of which I really had. On the internet this is one of the only places where people actually know what I’m talking about. If anyone here knows a solution, PLEASE contact me! dfdivino@hotmail.com
When I was young I cried when I got spanked or when someone died. But my parents made fun of me when I cried, they thought it was funny to see me cry. My dad always told me it was a weakness to cry, he would threaten to spank me if I cried. Today I don’t cry over anything and I’m always depressed or angry.
Well, I guess it is somewhat of a relief that I am not alone. I haven’t been able to cry for over 7 years. I got a call Sunday night that my best friend died unexpectedly. The news dropped me to my knees..and then, nothing. No tears, not a one. I feel a wierd sense of grief in little, brief spurts. That’s it. I wish someone knew what could be done?
I lost my son in a car accident in 1987 and I cried off and on for three years. I cannot cry at all now. I think it has been almost 20 years and like the other people I wish I could cry. I also lost my husband of 30 years. He grew apart from me and I barely can talk to him. We are divorced but still reside together due to financial reasons and he is mean and treats me like I am stupid and old only my friends think otherwise. I get really sad wish my life was not so stressful but I do not know what to do most of the time.
Hi, There is a medical condition called Sjogrens Syndrome one of the symptoms being the inability to shed tears. It can develop gradually or sufferers can be born dry eyed! The emotional problems are similar to those already mentioned. It was interesting to read above, about the happy hormones released through crying – so they do serve a purpose! My sympathy goes to those who can’t cry and suffer the frustrations of not being able to release their emotions.
The last time I cried was approx 5 years ago, and before that it was probably an interval of at least another 5 years or more. I believe it would do me some good if somehow I was able to have a good cry and release some emotions. I never really thought much about other people in this same situation until a few minutes ago, and that it was led me to this site. I appreciated seeing what other people shared.
I am in my 60’s — I used to be able to cry but now have a complete inability to cry no matter how sad I feel, no matter how much I feel like crying/want to cry. I haven’t cried since 1990, except for about 1 min. ten years ago when my
cat died very suddenly & unexpectedly of unknown cause. My mom died in ’92 & I was at her bedside for 3 days while she was in a coma & I knew she was about to die. I felt like there was a rope tied tightly around my neck, but could not cry. Last week my best friend died suddenly & I am heartbroken, but cannot cry.
I even tried to force myself to cry — faking crying sounds, but that’s all that came out — fake sounds. I did have a traumatic experience in 1990 when a man I loved very much & was with a long time, dumped me completely unexpectedly. I did cry a lot then, I don’t remember if it was weeks or months.
Since then I haven’t been able to cry. My eyes do tear when I cut onions so I don’t think I have blocked tear ducts. I feel I need to cry to get some release of my sadness now because of the loss of my friend. This is the 1st time I’ve looked on the Internet re this, but there doesn’t seem to be any answer to how to be able to cry. It’s certainly not that I don’t feel emotion or am cold-hearted — I feel like I’m crying inside but it doesn’t come out.
Tania posted this in ’09 so she’s probably not looking at this site anymore.
I copied here part of what she posted —
“Strong emotions cause our brains to release chemicals that indirectly lead to teary eyes.”
“Is there not a part of the brain that can be damaged when someone can’t cry? For example, maybe the chemical-releasing part of the brain that causes tearing when you feel a strong emotion can be releasing the chemicals/hormones/neurotransmitters at the wrong time or not at all.”
This certainly seems possible & logical to me. But wouldn’t
psychiatrists/doctors know this ? I’ve never heard it before.
If it is true, maybe there’s some way to fix that damage in the brain which would enable someone to be able to cry again. Does anyone know if what Tania
wrote is true ?
Well ….I slit my wrists so I guess u could say I’m depressed. Never knew how depressed I actually was. I looked this up because
I found it very irritating that I can’t cry when I rly want 2. I feel like all the emotions inside me are just bottled up and killing me from the inside…..oh how I wish I could cry…I would do anything to cry right now. Anything.
i used to cry. i enjoyed a good cry. as a child i was encouraged to cry after getting a ‘boo-boo’ or having something sad happen. my mother always told me a “good cry” will make you feel better & it did. i used be able to let the tears flow listening to certain music or watching an emotional movie. now, i haven’t cried in about 4 years. i suffered a very emotional trauma about that time. maybe that is why i’ve lost the ability to cry. oh, i miss crying so much. i actually feel as if i’ve lost a part of myself. i remember how a wracking, sobbing, good cry always left me feeling lighter on the inside. i am so heavy inside now. eh, maybe someday.
p.s. to the person who left a comment just before me……….no one is unimportant !!!!!!!!!!!
I’m fifteen I haven’t cried since I was twelve is there any mental illnesses that can cause the lack of sadness. I can think of something sad my eyes will water then I yawn and it goes away its very frustrating. My sister was very abusive and she hit me every day dand I used to cry. Now I just don’t cry my favorite mothers aunt died recently and I couldn’t even shed a tear. Oh and mental illness is very prominent in my family.
People would die along the way over the years & I would not shed a tear. 7 Months ago, my oldest son@33 very gifted,incredibly high IQ, almost a doctor, died unexpectedly. 3 weeks ago my healthy Mom died(she had lived a long happy life but her end was sudden cancer that took her fast within 3 months). These two people are my life, so close I can not explain or make anyone understand. I finally cried when my son died so much my skin all over my body turned red. Every day now I cry…I am beginning to think I may never be able to control it & I really don’t care. I just miss them so much. It does not seem real. I am busy all day & the pain will not stop. I certainly can cry now…
Reading these posts has made me reflect and analyze my own “dry-spell” situation from years ago. I don’t know a lot in regards to medical conditions associated with decreased tear production, but I do have some personal insight in overcoming the emotional side of the condition. I went through some really difficult things when I was in my early 20’s and was unable to cry for nearly 3 years. I would do everything I could to force it out but was unable to produce tears. Finally, after 3 years, I was able to cry again. I don’t know that there are any quick fixes to the problem and I’m sure everyone is different, but for me there were a few changes I needed to make in order to properly feel emotion again. First of all, I feel that I had to become aware of what was causing the problem. For me, the situations were so difficult that I didn’t want to “feel” their impact anymore. As a result, I kind of shut down. I believe it was a coping mechanism for me. I was afraid to feel because the pain was sometimes debilitating. I put up a wall. Instead of feeling sadness, I felt anger, coldness or emptiness. This protected me in a sense and shielded me from pain. I have realized that it was a choice (in a way). I could feel anger/emptiness or pain. And it took me a long time to want to feel the pain again. Of course it’s not a switch you can just flip on and off. It takes time and courage. For me I had to proactively find ways to both soften my heart and give me courage. Not by watching sad movies or going through sad experiences. The shutting down is a protective mechanism and these things only exacerbated the problem. I found internal and external forces that could support me and prepare me for when I went through trials or needed/wanted to cry. Getting closer to family members and friends, exercising, researching ways to deal with depression, and most importantly (for ME) was participating actively in my religion. Doing anything I could to feel a general sense of peace in my life completely changed me. I feel so much better now. Not that things are perfect, but I can definitely cry when I need to and that releases some sadness and helps me cope. I also have less anger and more sympathy for others. I know that everyone has different experiences and ways to overcome this. These are just things that helped me. I’m curious to know what other people have done to overcome this!
I am nearly 15 years old and I have not been diagnosed with depression or any other mental disorder and am not on any medications, I feel as though I might be depressed though. I lost my mom just over a year ago and the last time I cried was at her funeral. I just desperately feel the need to cry but I can’t let it out…
I am a huge crybaby, I cried just this morning when I thought I was being held back in school. I have not lost anybody in my family (except for a cat) I just cry more than normal. I also was depressed and thought I was useless and soulless. I’m sorry all depressed people, please get over it soon.
i used to cry for everything; my birds death and my paternal grandmother’s. then i joined the marines . i had an injury. i was lrt go. since then my fishie died. and then my cat. an ddddgrandma passed away last night. not even loss of appetite.d important not even sad. i know all life ends. but i dnt understand why i cantecry. my current job wojt allow keep to go see a psychiatrist without explicit permission from my CO. i thought kmabe u guys could have an answer o_O ???
I cry alot, and i don’t like my friends seeing me cry. Its very very….embarrassing.
I may be 10, but I am pretty sensitive. My friend Chloe called me a lesbian, and I cried. AND IM OLDER THAN HER!!! Thing is i need help controlling a very rude and mean friend. (Chloe) Can anyone give some advice?
I would like to know what i can do about my dry eyes please give me some kind of information that will help me and other with this problem
I know that there is a Doctor out there that can help us with a answer are a solution to this problem.
I’m 16, and over the past two years, I feel constantly sad. It’s easy to pretend I’m happy but when I’m alone, I become overwhelmed with so much pain my heart hurts, like literally my chest hurts. I used to cry all the time like a year and a half ago, then it became every once in awhile I would really cry really hard, but now all I want to do is cry and I can’t! I just water up and no tears come out. It feels terrible, and I’m really really scared that I might actually be depressed but at the same time I don’t want to tell my parents and have it be an over exaggeration
Found this because I did a search to try to figure out why I can’t cry. Like many commenting here, I was a BIG crier most of my life. Didn’t take much. Sadness, but also commercials, game shows, etc. Twelve years ago, my husband and I moved to West Africa for his job. The difficulty of life there made me a stronger person. But after about 4 years of being exposed to a whole differently reality than what we experience in the U.S., I suddenly found myself unable to cry anymore. I can certainly experience a wide range of emotions including sadness and frustration, but the events that provoke it are quite different. Perspective has changed. I find that when I have an emotional response that normally would provoke crying, I sometimes get a lump in my throat and feel like I NEED to cry, but nothing comes. Only occasionally will I feel a cry coming, but then it seems to just dissipate. Other than a few tears, I haven’t had a good cry since 2004. I know that crying is healthy and a wonderful emotional release. But it just doesn’t come.
My step-son is 10 years old and I have never seen him cry. He’s had multiple fractures from playing outside (foot and arm), and last year he tried to dive into a pool and clipped his chin on the edge so hard that not only did he need stitches to his chin, but also had his teeth bit thru his lip and got stitches to his mouth. Before anyone jumps to conclusions, he was never with me and his father, but in the care of his mother that lives in another state. Anyway, it just strikes me very odd that throughout all these times, he’s never shed one tear. He can express laughter and anger, but never any sort of sadness and it worries me. He has 2 older sisters; all 3 children have different fathers and the mother is always in and out of different relationships. I don’t know if any of that has anything to do with it, but thought I’d share that if it meant anything? I feel he’s suppressing a lot of anger and doesn’t know how to filter his emotions and when I bring this up to my husband, he thinks it’s nothing and that he was exactly that way when he was that age, but he did cry when he was angry so I think he’s missing the point I’m trying to make. He’s a wonderful little boy, but I feel like I’m the only one who cares to notice how he behaves. My sister seems to think that he has some sort of “Aspergers Syndrome”, but he doesn’t seem to have any trouble interacting with people. I don’t know?? I just can’t bring myself to understand why he can feel pain, but never show it.
Im 13 years old, have a sick mother, an abusive father, and no real friends. I have not (to my knowledge) cryed since I was 3 years old. I have a very high pain threshold, however, and I am very protective. I have fought with my father multiple times, both verbally and physically, to protect my little sister, who is a bit of a crybaby, and only 5. I am the one who cleans the house and cooks, and I haven’t smiled for years, I haven’t spoken aloud for several more. Backchat makes father angry. I care for my sister, but one day I know my dad will catch her alone, and there will be nothing I can do about it. All I want is protection for her, but no one can provide it. I don’t expect to live for very long, 3 more years at most, my sister will be on her own- I can’t let that happen to her or mum, but I also scare them both with my inability to express emotion- and I cant protect them.
I’m 13 years old, and I fear that I’ll be incapable of crying. My boyfriend and I have had a really complicated relationship for a really long time now and it’s made me feel terrible to where I felt depressed, I couldn’t eat, I had insomnia, and I cried and cried for months at night. My story may seem insignificant to other stories, but this has had an impact on my life in a huge way. I feel sad and depressed on the inside, tears usually come out, but not anymore.
I’m a 14 year old girl. I have never since I’ve been born produced tears. My parents have taken me to doctors and they told us that some people just can’t produce tears no matter what. However they have to add drops into their eyes as they will be dry and scaly. I do not produce tears and never have, I have moist eyes though and do not need drops. Doctors call me a mystery. They won’t look into why I don’t produce tears and don’t have dry eyes at the same time as they say I have healthy eyes and it isn’t causing me any problems. I would really like to know why I am so different to everyone else. I understand some people don’t produce tears and have dry eyes but I’m more different to them. I need answers. If anybody knows anything about this or who I can speak to please E-Mail me: jessicaloumorrison@yahoo.co.uk
I am 15 and i cannot cry either. I have no idea why, i have lots of family issues that are bad but i dont think i am depressed. As far as i know at least. I apparently have a high pain threshold and have broken my arm twice without a tear, but i cant cry at anything, when my dogs died, when i lost my best friend, aforementioned family issues and losing my girlfriend. All within 6 months (bar one broken arm). and not one tear. Help please?
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Its weird when I’m crying to God all of a sudden He stops my years like dries my eyeballs & I wonder why He would do something like that to me. The bible says nothing against crying so why would He harras me with this. It just makes me mad. Anyways I would hope that on not the only one bit idk.
God is taking the pain away, Cheyanne. Or if you want to look at it scientifically, you could have any one of the physiological or psychological things which causes this to happen to people. It could be as simple as a “quickly regulating chemistry” or even dehydration. Or maybe depression, or large tear ducts which empty tears quickly into the nasal passages before they fall down your face. Being mad at God is only being angry at what you don’t understand. Like a pet cat freaking out and biting you if it’s put on a merry-go-round.
I can cry a little bit at small things like movie scenes but when my really close friend died recently I couldn’t cry unless other people were crying around me but even then I only teared up a bit. I used to love just sitting in my room and crying everything away but I can’t do it anymore and I really wish I could.
I know how Jessica feels. I am the same way. I have never once in my life produced tears while crying. My eyes are not dry, they water but I can’t produce tears. But I still haven’t cried in over twenty years. My father died last October and I still haven’t cried . All my life, he made my life miserable, He was a bully, he physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. He would whip me with belts, slam me down in chairs, shake me push me around, grab me by the arm and get right in my face and stick his finger in it, he would corner me like a dog. He was always telling me I was no good. My mother was the same way, but she was abused as a child and went right into marriage with the same kind of person. My father asked me forgiveness and I accepted his appology. But I still can’t cry. But I hate to say this, my mom and I are free from the non stop barbs that were always being said.
It is kinda strange when you get to the state where you cannot cry.
the closest thing i can say that it is like is when you hurt yourself and you laugh instead of saying ouch or whatever.
but instead of crying you do nothing. no laughing nothing. but you have the emotional feeling of sadness.
2010 I cried over absolutely everything.
2011 I cried over quite a lot of things
2012 I cried a little bit
2013 This year, I have not cried at all – I haven’t cried for 9 months.
I am now 14 years old and I’m not sure if anything is wrong. Some people says as long as I’m not running away from reality when sad things happens I’ll be fine. But after reading this, I feel a bit worried. Lots of times when I’m absolutely stressed and tired, I have a head ache feeling that makes me want to cry but not able to. Is there anything wrong?
I am 25 years old, only once cried at the age of 12 and never again. What this condition will be said in Psychological terms.
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im actually 15 and since i was 10 i cannot shed emotional tears. if i’m physically hurt i will cry but if im emotional i give dry sobs. is that normal? i cry but no tears every come out
im 20 have hade a few things happen in the past and I haven’t been able to cry in 6 years I know this because I’ve felt like crying ever sense a particular event. but I guess it doesn’t help if I don’t say what it was that caused my problem and I would like advice, so that day my baby sister passed away. I think my problem might be guilt because I feel I should’ve been there for here even though I was just 10 feet away. and yet I could nothing to help but listen to what was happening, I just sat there and id nothing at all
sorry but this is what I needed im finaly did what I needed im crying bad thanks
I just feel very down and I feel as if I can just cry I’ll feel so much better.. But I just can’t and is tearing me apart inside..
I think that not crying is a question of maturity not a problem or mental health case.We that don’t cry are realists above all. Many of us we been through alot and don’t cry over spilled milk or whatever.Because we now theres a beginning and end for everthing injustice and bad things are part of life and sometimes we cannot do nothing because we are powerless, dont have money or something else.
One more thing here in portugal theres a show were the famous talk about there lifes and show themselfes very sensitive and caring i bet in their daily life they aren’t like that and sometimes send others to !!!??.
My conclusion like Sylvester Stallone would say It’s all Bullsh####
LOL
(caution a little descriptive at the end) (blood) I’m 16 years old. I have very rarely cried. Its not that I want to or don’t want to. I just realize that things happen. My grandma just died recently…didn’t cry. She was old, happy and lived a long life… I realize that life has an end. When I think when my girlfriend will die someday. yeah I get sad and the tears come…but they don’t spill over…granted that is just a hypothetically true thought (it will happen someday but it hasn’t yet) but I still don’t technically cry. I also don’t feel that much physical pain…I was riding my bike got hit by a golf cart wasn’t wearing a shirt fell on my back on gravel going about 20 mph… I walked away with blood dripping from my pant legs…. Is there a problem with me?? No I don’t think so. I know how to handle life and death. Am I saying that those who cry don’t? No everybody handles everything in their own way.
I am 57 years old and can’t remember the last time tears fell from my eyes. While experiencing situations that would make anyone cry, my nose runs, my eyes turn red, and my eyes moisten….but…no tears. I used to be able to cry. Now I can’t and haven’t for years. I wish I were able to shed tears. I know I would feel better.
I am 14 years old and I have never cried, I mean yeah I get upset and I feel as if I could cry but I have never in my life shed a single tear. I am not depressed and I do not have PTSD I just have never been able to cry.I’ve heard of all this lacrimal glands and blocked tear ducts but it doesn’t seem right, if I had blocked tear ducts wouldn’t that mean I’d cry more? I want to go to the doctors but my mother won’t let me as she says it’s “nothing to worry about” but it’s really annoying. I just want to be able to cry. I want to know what it feels like to have tears rushing down my face, to taste the supposed saltiness, and the rush of emotions be free. It’s hurtful when people call you heartless or insensitive. I don’t want that anymore. If anyone has any information on this or knows how I feel please contact me at Leah.maria@hotmail.co.uk. Thank you
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I have been on here numerous times. I went off my meds back in September and was able to feel sadness after almost twenty years. But after my family insisted that I go back on my antidepressents I am back to not feeling sad anymore. Last Saturday I fell backwards with a twenty five pound pack of botled water and hit my head on a concrete carport. I hurt so badly but I still couldn’t cry. I want to know if anyone can help me? I heard that people that don’t cry die early. I don’t want to die early.
my best friend hasnt been able to cry for years and i need answers he is freaking out and i need an explanation he is a great guy but i need him to feel great he has started having nightmares because of the stress and i need anybody to give me a real answer
Am 22 years old & i haven’t cried since i was 12. Its not like i don’t want to, i just can’t. I lost my Dad & my big sister last year everyone cried, i was the only who stood out.
I am 21 and I rarely ever cry and its stressing me out!! I don’t know why that is but I only cry when I’m in a fight with my mom. Even then its just a couple of tears. I live in a very cold house. Me and my older sister hardly ever have physical contact like hugs. I don’t even remember the last time my mom hugged me sincerely. Ever since my grandmother died maybe 6 years ago she’s been so cold with us. One of my good friend can cry easily and I feel like she’s always doing things to make me cry. Going to see sad movies, listening to sad music and when she sees I don’t cry I feel like she’s judging me. Everyone is judging me saying I don’t have a heart or I don’t have empathy and it hurts so much!! I just wish I could release all this stress but I can’t and I hate myself for it.
I hate you and cry about it